You might not believe me but I talk to Mr. Death
I think he knows that I need him.
Why?
Why?
Why?
Yoochun, that’s why.
Yoochun…
Without him I don’t want life.
I don’t.
I don’t.
Junsu sat in the couch, his eyes staring nowhere in particular. The television was on and blaring but to Junsu who was deep in thought it was a million of light years away.
Where was he? Where was he?
A tear slowly slid out of Junsu’s eye. He did not bother to wipe it away. His eyes finally showed life as they flickered to the digital clock. ‘3:23 am’ it blinked.
Another night that Yoochun had spent away. It was starting to become a ritual. Like every other night Yoochun would not come home until he deemed it worthy. When he would arrive, he would probably smell of alcohol, sweaty bodies, and sex.
As Junsu started to nod off he remembered how happy he had felt when Yoochun had asked him out.
=flashback=
“What?” Junsu had stared shocked at Yoochun.
Yoochun had smiled. “I asked if you wanted to be mine. As in going out with me.”
“Is this a joke?” Junsu asked. He had dreamed it so many times but now that it was happening… he wondered if fate was playing a trick on him.
Yoochun frowned lightly. “No.. I’m serious.”
Junsu had looked down. “But we’re both guys.” he had whispered.
Yoochun had leaned close to his face. He took Junsu’s hand and put it over his (Yoochun’s) heart.
“Su, ever since I met you this heart was yours and your alone.”
Yoochun had then bend down and claimed Junsu’s lips.
They started dating the next day.
=end of flashback=
Junsu awoke with a start. A door closing had woken him up. He scrambled up and looked at the doorway when Yoochun appeared, stumbling barely able to keep himself standing.
Junsu rushed to his aid but Yoochun pushed him away.
Junsu tried to help his husband, tried to guide him to their bedroom but once again Yoochun pushed him away. This time though he pushed with more force and Junsu hit the wall and crumpled to the floor.
“Dammit Junsu! Who is asking for your help? Who even wants to see your face? You make me sick!”
Junsu slowly, painfully crawled toward Yoochun. “No… you don’t mean that, you’ve just drunk…”
Yoochun’s stomach twisted to see Junsu in such a pitiful state. He hated himself, he hated the world. “Why don’t you just leave me Junsu?!” he growled. “I cheat on you for heavens sake!”
Junsu fliched. “We will be together through sickness and health, bad and good.”
The wedding vows? Was that what still attached Junsu to him? Was the memories of that day what kept his hope alive?
Then he would crush them.
Yoochun sneered at Junsu. “Your pathetic Su. Pathetic. Do you really think I meant those words? Please, the only reason I married you was because of your money. I .. have .. never.. loved.. you.”
NEVER
LOVED
YOU.
Junsu’s world came crushing down.
Inside, Junsu broke.
=flashback=
As Junsu held the firm yet soft hand he felt that today was the happiest day of his life.
The man he loved had proposed to him!
He was marrying the man he loved!
As they said their vows Junsu peeked at Yoochun’s face. Yoochun’s face shone with love, his eyes warm, caring.
“I do.”
As Yoochun bent to kiss Junsu he whispered “I love you Su.”
=end of flashback=
===
I love you Su.
I have never loved you.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Running. Running. Running.
He’s not following. He’s not stopping you.
Running. Running. Running.
Time keeps moving.
Meaningless.
life, time, everything, meaningless.
Death.. Mister Death…
Please numb the pain.
===
He’s gone.
He’s left me.
Yoochun’s body started shaking as tears rushed out and sobs rocked his body.
He’d done it. He done it. He hated himself. He hated the world.
He hated the Kims.
=flashback=
Mr. Kim approached Yoochun. “Leave my son.”
Yoochun head went up. “Excuse me?”
“Leave. My. Son.” the hate in Mr. Kim’s eyes burned with passion.
Yoochun hissed as he understood. “I’ll never leave him.”
“Then make him leave you.”
Yoochun’s hands clenched into fists. “I love him, he loves me. You have no right to interfere in our relationship.”
“I’m his FATHER!” Mr. Kim roared.
“And I’m his HUSBAND!” Yoochun shouted back with the same amount of intensity.
“Damn you boy!” Mr. Kim started to take out papers out of the briefcase that he carried.
Yoochun gritted his teeth and turned around preparing to leave.
“I want my son back. If you don’t give him to me he will die.”
Yoochun spun around, eyes wide and nostrils flared. “You’d kill your own son?”
“No! But his body already is!”
“His body?” Yoochun took a step nearer to Mr. Kim, not understanding.
Mr. Kim found the papers he was looking for and threw them at Yoochun’s face.
“It runs in Junsu’s mom’s family. Its cancer, but a rare type of cancer. It’s the reason my wife died so young.”
“Cancer?” Yoochun stared horrified at Mr. Kim “Just because his mom had it doesn’t mean you should make it out that he has it too!” he didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to think that something was inside his love, killing him little by little.
“He has it. He went to the doctor’s recently and it was confirmed.”
“The doctors? But when he came back from the doctor’s he told me he was just told that it was purely exhaustion! How does exhaustion turn to cancer?!”
“Junsu himself doesn’t know it. We kept it from him. The doctor that he went to knows our family. He decided that he should keep it from Junsu and just inform me.”
“Who is he to decide that? It is his responsibility to inform the patient!”
“Not in this case! This cancer that Junsu has is affected by emotions. If Junsu does not fight against the cancer then the cancer can rapidly spread.”
“Why does this have to deal with me leaving Junsu?”
“The doctor that Junsu went to is around your ages, but although he is young he is very smart. He has developed a way to make the cancer go away, if he starts his treatment early on the patient.”
“And?”
“He is willing to help Junsu, but only if Junsu becomes his.”
Yoochun choked. “What?”
“His. As in his lover.”
“Hell no!” how could he leve his lover and give him to another? Yoochun stormed angrily away.
But as he walked off Mr. Kim said some last words. “if you love my son, you will let him live. How can my son find his happiness if he has no breath in him?”
=Flashback ended=
So he had decided.
He had hung around in bars, drinking shot after shot. He would have sex with random girls and throw up immediately afterwards.
But Junsu would not leave him. Junsu would not go.
Until today.
Yoochun called Mr. Kim. “I hate you.” he told the man.
“He has left you?”
“I hate you.”
“Good. Thank you, Yoochun. Thank you for understanding. I’ll send my driver to look for him outside of your house.” click.
The phone dropped from Yoochun’s hands. He stumbled his way to the bedroom and somehow managed to get on the bed. His hands reached for Junsu’s pillow and he curled up with it, inhaling Su’s scent.
“Su.”
===
Pain…
Pain…
Pain…
Mister Death, come and take me away.
I hear someone calling my name.
So far away…
So far away…
It is not you Mister Death.
It is not him, my beloved.
I do not answer.
===
He can’t be found. The driver returned to the Kim mansion, empty handed. Mr. Kim sends him out again. He himself goes out. Even the young doctor goes out.
===
They’re all looking for Junsu.
No Junsu.
Phone calls made.
No Junsu.
They go to Yoochun’s house but find only Yoochun in his bedroom.
But no Junsu.
No Junsu.
No Junsu.
Junsu where are you?
===
“What?” Yoochun looked at Mr. Kim.
“I said we can’t find my son.”
“You can’t… find?” Yoochun got up from the bed, shaking.
“I pushed him away. I made him leave me. I mad him leave me and you come to tell me you can’t find him?”
A young man stepped into the room. “Mr. Kim, its been days. If we don’t find Junsu soon, it will be too late to treat him…”
Too late.
Too late.
“Is he the doctor?” Yoochun asked narrowing his eyes.
The young man nodded. “Dr. Shim Changmin.” he extended his hand.
Yoochun punched him.
“Fuck you! Fuck you! Why couldn’t you treat him when he was by my side?! Why did you have to require to have Junsu as yours before treating him? Now he’ll die… even though I did as Mr. Kim said… I pushed him away.. I hurt him… yet he’s still going to die.” Yoochun fell to his knees, crying his heart out.
===
Feeling so tired. So tired.
Every day your closer, Mr. Death.
I want to welcome you with open arms…
But somewhere I hear my lover’s cry…
Why does he cry Mr. Death?
Now that I am gone, now that bothersome me has left…
Why does he cry?
===
Yoochun was about to leave and look for Junsu but Changmin stopped him.
“Do you think you can go out like that?”
Yoochun stared puzzled at him. Changmin pushed Yoochun to the nearest mirror.
Yoochun stared at his reflection. His face was scruffy, stubby. His hair greasy, his eyes bloodshot. His clothes were days old and wrinkled.
“What does it matter how I look? I care mainly for Junsu right now!”
-end of part 1 of 2-
Hello! I'm Ping, your reviewer for your one shot "Never" And i really like your story! Come visit my story blog too if you have the time.
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:) oh hi! wow the world is a small place right? ^^ I'll def drop by!
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